Are you about to have 2 kids under the age of two? Or maybe you already do and you are wondering how to cope day to day. Then this post is for you. Hi, I'm Karli and I am currently raising two girls 10 months apart. I am here to tell you that it is hard and wonderful all at the same time. And you are going to be okay.
Our youngest is almost two years old now so we have survived the two under two stage. Our stages are a little different since I only birthed the older toddler and my partner mom birthed our youngest ten months later. This is likely not your situation. You probably have an infant or young toddler and are about to have another. And let me tell you, you are one strong Mama!
Though I am lucky enough to have a co-mom, and Dad as well, raising girls ten months apart has not been easy at all. And we're barely in the thick of it! But, since we have survived so far, and as the SAHM for our three girls, I have a few tips that I have acquired along the way. And I would love to share with you!
I'll keep this post nice and short since we are starting school this week and boy has that been hectic! Here is the absolute truth about raising two, two and under.
It's Hard!
Holy cow, is it hard!
There will be many times where you feel like pulling your hair out. There will be many times that you feel like screaming. They will both cry at the same time, yell at the same time, and need you at the same time.
Sometimes, they will be happy and squealing and running around and though they aren't crying, it is still extremely overwhelming. But, that's mor
e the stage we're in right now. I use my noise reducing headphones a lot when the girls are being loud. This allows me to tolerate their fun without losing my mind.
When they were both 1 and under, it was crucial for me to have a schedule for them. Sleeping and eating were most important to schedule since that was when emotions were the highest.
It wasn't always easier to have them nap at the same time. Though it was nice for me to have a break, it was easier to have only one baby to feed and entertain at a time. The best schedule was having their naps overlap a bit. That way I had one on one with each baby to attend to their individual needs while also getting a short break by myself until one was awake.
Even though these times were hard, they were also so magical and continue to get better and better.
It's Magical
The bond between two siblings that are very close in age is amazing. Now that they are both toddlers and both talking more and more, the connection between them is so strong and incredible to watch develop.
Our two and a half year old is very loving to her little sister and very concerned whenever she cries. Our one and a half year old is also loving but is our wildest child and usually brings a whirlwind of fun and emotions all at the same time.
Usually a couple times a day they get into running away from and chasing each other and they just laugh the entire time. When they were smaller, they actually didn't play much together at all. The older toddler had her things and the baby had her things and they didn't intermingle much. Now that they are older, they want everything the other one has which can get a little hectic at times.
Seeing them hug and watching them play is something we look forward to every day. Even though the rest of the day might be full of screaming and fighting, those moments make it all worth it!
The Tips
I have learned a thing or two about raising young siblings together and I am hoping to help you as well! Here are a few of those tips.
Separation. Sometimes the girls need to be in separate spaces with their own toys/objects to have a break from each other. It's impossible to be happy with your sibling all of the time and sometimes they like to antagonize each other. Typically this break only lasts a few minutes before they want to play together again so I find it to work very well.
Sibling blaming. I have read somewhere that you should not blame one sibling as the reason you can't attend to the other siblings needs. So instead of saying, "I can't help you I'm changing your sister" say "My hands are busy right now but I will help you as soon as I can." This seems to be working really well for us so I wanted to share!
You matter too. It can get really overwhelming to cater to one baby's needs not to mention two! Twin and triplet moms are probably laughing but that's okay, they earned the laugh. Honestly though, sometimes you do need to step away for a minute. Turn on Bluey or Mickey Mouse, check the area for anything they could get into that they shouldn't, and shut yourself in the bathroom for a minute or two with a hot coffee or a glass of wine. I use cameras in my house so I'll even point a camera at the littles and come out when they start to stir. And that is okay! Because if I don't take that break and calm myself down, I will take my frustrations out on the girls and that is not fair to them. They are only doing what they have learned to do so far in their short lives and to be a scary mommy simply because I didn't take a short break is unacceptable on my part. Because I am older. I have lived for 28 years and I should be capable of controlling myself in ways that they are not. So, take the break so that you can care for your children the way they deserve. And no, that minute or two isn't going to cure you of all frustrations, but it will help clear your mind so you can tackle the demands ahead.
Take it moment by moment. A little add-on for the above tip, moments happen all day long. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. It actually really helps me to talk out loud to myself and reassure myself that this is going to pass. "Karli, I know this is hard right now, but you can do hard things. And in thirty minutes we'll be in a whole different situation with different problems. So, just breathe. You got this." Personal pep talks might make me sound crazy, but I if I can lift myself up to get through the tough times, then call me crazy all you want. Do whatever you need to do to get to the next moment. And don't forget to savor the sweet moments, even if they don't last long.
Laugh it out. This is going to make me sound even crazier, but sometimes I look at my disaster of a house, my screaming girls, and whatever mess we've ended up in and I just laugh. The girls will sometimes laugh too unless they are actually upset then my laughter gets cut short and I do what they need me to do. But, laughter really is the best medicine and sometimes, it's necessary.
Be the guide not the referee. This tip is going to sound pointless now but it is crucial to start early. Guiding your toddlers through a conflict rather than telling them how to fix it is a problem solving skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Teaching them this skill will allow you to not have to be involved in every conflict that they have, which trust me, will be many. When toddler gets upset with baby, or toddler to toddler, instead of saying, "Give that back to abc right now. That is not your toy." You could get down on their level, comfort the child that has been "wronged" and when no one is crying anymore, calmly ask the toddler what they can do to fix the situation. It will take coaching at first, "You didn't like when xyz took the toy you were playing with. What can we say to them?" And then you would talk the baby/other toddler through it as well. "We don't take toys that our brother/sister is playing with. What could we do instead? What could we play with instead?" Every situation will look a little different but soon the kids will be able to talk through their own problems rather than calling for mom or dad to fix it for them.
It's okay to just survive. This last one is important. If all you did that day was feed your babies, change their diapers 18 times, kissed booboos, and put them to bed, then you are doing great! You don't have to do laundry, do the dishes, cook 5-star meals and be the wonder-mom. They just need a safe, loving mom. There will be another day and another time for all those things. Right now is hard already, so you don't need to make it harder.
The End
That was a nice little story wasn't it? The truth is that raising two under two is extremely hard and extremely rewarding. There is space to be happy and grateful and there is space to be overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated. And all these emotions can exist at the same time. Or they can change back and forth from moment to moment.
The reality is that you will get through this. You can give yourself some grace because just one child isn't easy. Two or more is just wild. So buckle in and remember to savor the sweet ride when you are able to. Because it goes fast, but it also lasts forever.
Also, if you don't agree with some of my tips or some of the things I do to stay sane, that's okay. You don't have to. They are my tips and what works best for me. Let's keep the comments positive and help each other out!
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